Ricky Williams: The Musical

All of the recent vitriol that has been spewed out over the Ricky signing has got me reminiscing about our own controversial acquisition, with similar baggage, circa 1980. And so, in the spirit of the Hamilton-Toronto rivalry, I got to thinking hypothetically about how it would be if the two ever met up and compared notes. You gotta admit, it would make an excellent stage play for a local troupe. So if anyone has the wherewithal to mastermind such a production, please feel free to include this little number (with apologies to Charlie Daniels and Weird Al).

Ricky Williams came to Toronto
he was lookin' to get off the weed
he was doing okay, ’til he found out one day
Canada’s laws are lax indeed
and then he came across a Hamiltonian
who was likewise a fan of the pot,
so Ricky donned his argo jersey
and said "boy let me tell you what"

I guess you probably heard I'm a somewhat chronic soul of course
and after all this time
I guess I'm a connoisseur of sorts
now your stuff smells ok
but this could tranquilize a horse;
I'll bet my argo contract
against your stash
cuz I think mine's better than yours

the boy said "my name's Bernie, and you ain't smoked nothin' yet"
one hit of this grass
will kick your ass
so you got yourself a bet

Bernie roll up a ball of hash
and make sure it's the bomb
cuz Ricky’s got the kind of stuff
they smoked in Vietnam
you'll get a half-million American in cash if you can cope,
but if you can't, then Ricky gets your dope

Well Ricky packed a bong
with a little Acapulco gold
and resin flew from his fingertips
as he fired up his bowl
he filled that chamber all the way
and he took a mighty hit
and as they passed it back and forth
it gave them both a coughing fit


When the bowl was finished Bernie said
"yo Ricky that stuff was great"
but fill your lungs with some of this
and prepare to vegetate

Cannabis sativa, sweet Mary Jane,
Ricky’s at the Skydome fryin' his brain
monogrammed zig-zags declaring “argos $uck,?
hold on tight it'll hit you like a truck


Well Ricky nodded off because he knew that he was stoned
and he asked if he could buy some of that stuff that Bernie owned
Bernie said "Ricky just come on back if you ever wanna catch a buzz"
I done told you once you son of a gun,
mine's the best there ever was

Then they
fired up doobies one by one,
ain't gonna stop 'til the bag’s all done
green as a bullfrog,
sticky as glue
Granny (Liggins?) do you get high,
yes I do

(outro solo)

Beautiful Bunner, absolutely beautiful!!! That is the "funniest" thing I've ever read in these forums. :lol:

I think this could be a break through international hit for BA?

Great work.

We miss Bernie, and what about Hector?

the boy said "my name's Bernie, and you ain't smoked nothin' yet"
What a beautiful tie in between past and present. I can remember as a young man in the crowd yelling: "Smoke it Bernie!" every time he came out to kick.

I am surprised that this song doesn't reference Hector "Pothead" Pothier at all. Or, maybe there is a separate number for the legendary Eskimo.

An all-time classic first post, bunner.

Thanks for putting in such a great effort
to entertain the ticats.ca community.

There aren't many laughs here of late.

It might even warm the cold hearts
of the moralists who are so outraged
by occurences in the CFL of late.


Some may even believe it is true. :oops: :roll:

Very creative Bunner, great read!!!!

Beautiful! They should name a section of the stadium after Bernie!

Very nice work.


Are you implying that Ricky smokes weed?

That's pretty good poetry Bunner... :thup:
Bernie knew how to relax before he kicked a field goal though didn't he... :lol:

Good one Bunner! :stuck_out_tongue:

From a good source,I hear Cheech and Chong are being sought out to sing your song along with O Canada Labour Day!!Cool! :cowboy:

…just havin’ a yuck is all. As far as what recreational/transcendental substances he chooses to ingest, or has ingested in the past, don’t really know, don’t really care (other than to titter about it now and again).

Though I now oppose him on principle because he’s an argo, I gotta admit that I always liked the cut of Ricky’s jib. The genuine grasp of spirituality, the philosophical musings and the refusal to be a slave to mammon I find rather refreshing. If one were to rate him on a professional sports bell curve, he would come off pretty good amidst the greed, social dysfunction and misogyny that characterizes so many athletes. And the fact that he can take everything from Joe Theismann’s bizarre rant to Perry Lefko’s “can you believe this freak? narrative tenor, yet still come up smiling, well, bully for him. If you’re the type to insist that athletes must be “role models,? I could think of worse examples than Ricky.

That being said, Ricky’s got no clue what he’s getting into with this league. Yoga? Yawn. My main man Julian Radlein could think him under the table any day of the week, while simultaneously reading 3 books and throwing a lead block. Even Kojo's been known to express his university-trained opinion of Plato, Hobbes and Nietzsche. Ricky, you may be a freak show superstar in America, but up here your eccentricity is just fair-to-middling at best.

On a slightly different note though, just think of the first time he steps onto the field at IWS: “Hey coach, what are they chanting? Bu-wha? Argos $uck? Do they always do this? Why won’t they stop??

Not only that, but the inevitable coverage from the American networks will be forced to address the chant too! Argos $uck is gonna go primetime, baby!

BTW, a major award from the forbidden website’s board of directors awaits the first person to button Ricky.

Its gonna be such a great year.

...ah, but if only it could be sung by MacLean and MacLean - proud Canadians and frequent Grey Cup attendees, but unfortunately half-dead.

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I serenaded my wife last night with your song Steve. It brought loads of laughs.

Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

willy's a real live man with a human wife!!

As will you be soon. As will you be soon.

You will have to change your name to Cupman.

Who is Steve?

I tend to agree.

Perhaps we should re-instate our award of $1001.00 Canadian Tire bucks for the first person to button Sideshow Ricky?

I would love to see a "Reach for Top" show starring Canadian Football running backs.

...but did it get you "anywhere"?