TSN Canadaâ€™s Shorts Network
In a move destined to create contractual tidal waves within the CFL and perhaps the sports world entirely Jason Maas, the backup QB for the Edmonton Eskimos and this yearâ€™s leading candidate for Ervine J. Wallflower Award, has traded himself to the Hamilton Tiger-Cats.
â€œIn reviewing the exchange of players announced earlier today between the two clubs it was clear to me that the Eskimos hosed the Ti-Catsâ€?, announced Maas in a hastily thrown together media scrum outside of Rogers Centre where the Eskimos are to meet the Argonauts this weekend, â€œI thought, â€˜Oh great, thereâ€™s Hugh taking advantage of another team againâ€™ and something inside me couldnâ€™t rationalize the trade so I took it upon myself to balance the scales. Its clear Hamilton is in need of a young QB to take over from McManus soon and with my talents really going to waste with the Eskimos I really feel it is best for everyone that I be included in the earlier tradeâ€?.
When asked if this apparently unilateral amendment to the trade had been approved by the Eskimo organization Maas noted â€œIâ€™m sure it will be fine with the guys there, they wonâ€™t miss me at all seeing that Ricky (Ray) is going to play every freaking minute of football left in the season. Olâ€™ Junior (Ron Lancaster Jr, the EE Offensive Coordinator) can hold a clipboard better than I can. Besides, with our current loss streak, hell man, the last place you want to be is around Hugh Campbell right nowâ€?.
TSN tried to contact the Eskimoâ€™s management during the interview but the receptionist at the Commonwealth Stadium Head Office could not be heard over the background sounds of tormented wails and breaking glass.