KK's WAY take off

[url=http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdalyankovic/albuquerque.html]http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/weirdaly ... erque.html[/url]


Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from the MCG
You know the place
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning
My mother would make me a big bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut
Every single mornin
It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom
I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"
And my dear, sweet mother
She just looked at my like a cow looks at an oncoming train
And she leaned right down next to me
And she said...
And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth
And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday
Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the snow is always falling and the air smells like warm beer, and the moquetoes are always bitting
And the towels are oh so fluffy
Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long
And anyone on the street will glady shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Khari Jones's butt
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That's right, a first class one-way ticket to


Oh yeah
You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Greek women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little Rider fan kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time
we had to divert the plane to Edmonton cuz Vancouver got hit by a tsunami whill we were in the air
And we almost hit a cow when we took off again
The flight attendants ran out of Coke and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into Mt. Duck
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died!!!!!!!!!!!!

Except for me
You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days in a bizzard
Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my world atlas and my hockey punk collesion
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark CFL football
But finally I arived at the world famous Winnipeg Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna

It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the heater
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's was Troy Westwood!!!

Oh man, I hate it when I'm right

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky CFL Ball!
And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"
"That football's been just like a football to me"
And he's like "Tough"
And I'm like "Give it"
And he's like "Make me"
And I'm like "'Kay"
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice
And you know what it said?
I'll tell you what it said

It said
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"
"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"
"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"


Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my CFL football
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until Troy Westwood was brought to justice!

But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter (who happened to be Deter Bornk! believe it or not!)
And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"
I said "You got any glazed donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"
I said "Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"
I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"
I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"
I said "You got any apple fritters?"
I said "You got any bear claws?"
He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"....


I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"
Deter says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"

I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin' me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head"
I believe it went a little something like this . . .

Get 'em off me
Get 'em off me
No, get 'em off, get 'em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get 'em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, (more screaming)

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'
Like a receiver on a team in the East Division who gets the ball!
And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Haruna
She was a Japanese caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair and eyes the color of coke
I'll never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said...

"Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love
We were inseperable after that
Aw, we ate together, we did everything togerther
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our sushi roll
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - Hikaru and Ai
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Haruna said to me
She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club"
"sure" I said.
"...and the Calgary Stampeders Club?"
I said "Woah, hold on now, baby"...

"I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"

So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that's just the way things go


Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That's right, I got me a part-time job as a water boy for the Blue Bombers
I even made employee of the month after I reviered Scott Mennie by doing CPR
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin' a lot of attitude

OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a BB pencil
When I see this guy Tee Martin tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me
He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"
Well, that's just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud
Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
Kevin Glenn comes up to me on the street and says he hasn't had a bit in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over
And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation

Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it's kinda been a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is


That's all I'm really tryin' to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandry
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy mixed-up universe of ours
There's still a little place called

Winnipeg, Winnipeg
Winnipeg, Winnpeg
Winnipeg, Winnipeg
Winnipeg, Winnipeg

I said "W" (W)
"I" (I)
"N" (N)
"N" (N)
"ipeg" (ipeg)

Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg
Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg
Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg
Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg, Winnipeg

Winnipeg, Manitoba!!!

I know it's long, but I hope you enjoied it.


I thought you would just post this ":lol:"

C'omn everyone, u know you find it funny.

:lol: ..........

....Keeping things lively I see Kanga where do dig up this stuff.... :lol:

I heard this song in my sister car when she was driving me and always wanted to do a "Winnipeg" version with emphisis on the Blue Bombers

shuld add something about the East Division though.

very um long

yeah, I know, BUT ISN'T IT GREAT!!! my Best joke yet!

I was thinking about chaging Sauerkuart to Moocaca or how every you spell that Greek dish.

other ideas are Kick Converts, Dead Ball on kicks, 55 yard line markings.

...how about 'souvlaki', I think its Greek...you could do something with that Kanga...

…no worries about plagerism, eh?..I guess Weird Al won’t be seeing this so you’re probably safe…

plagerism? RW this is a spin off. He can't sue.

Wow, this room is really full of smoke all of a sudden..

Kidding, but.. long, funny, and man.. put down the skinny white pipe. How long did it take you to make that?

not very long

what if I chage the donut part to me going to a sport outline store to get some hockey pucks? what do ya think of that?