...try to read this. He makes me glad I do not have Sportsnet in my line-up. If I had, I would have certainly cancelled it.
Ian Mendes explains his Top 10 reasons for not watching the Grey Cup.
I've had a hard time writing a blog since I came home from the World Series.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Kurt Russell in a room where Derek Jeter was spraying his teammates with champagne.
Coming back to cover the Senators and Devils was a cold slap in the face. But I've now mentally recovered and I'm ready to re-enter the blogosphere.
As I'm on my way to San Jose, I was going to write about Dany Heatley. But sitting in the Toronto airport waiting for my connection to the west coast on Sunday night, I was struck by something as I ate my chicken fingers inside the pub: Not a single TV was tuned into the Grey Cup.
All the sets were showing a variety of football games, including everyone's favourite: Tennessee and Arizona. But even as the clock passed 6:30 p.m. ET, not a single person in the bar made a noise to change the channel.
And then it dawned on me: I wouldn't switch an NFL game for the Grey Cup either.
You would think I would be the perfect candidate for the CFL. I'm a huge sports fan inside that coveted 18-34 demographic that makes marketing wizards drool.
But quite frankly, I've never really watched the CFL and I probably never will.
The thing is, there is an alarming number of young men in the same situation as me. They are huge football fans, but have no time for the CFL or the Grey Cup.
Why is that?
I can't speak for everyone else, but here are my top 10 reasons why I don't make an effort to watch the Grey Cup every year.
10 - My dad wasn't a fan.
I've yet to do the hard research or get someone to crunch the numbers, but if your dad wasn't a CFL fan, there is a less than three per cent chance that you will grow up following the game. Factor in that we didn't grow up with any family members in the Prairies and it's pretty much a recipe for a non-CFL household.
9 - Lame commercials.
I can usually convince my wife to watch some of the Super Bowl by enticing her with the potential for a vast array of witty commercials. Unfortunately, the same can't be said for the Grey Cup. In the past, I could at least get worked up and angry about the Canadian Tire guy.
But ever since he's left the picture, the advertising scene in Canada has been relegated to a series of lame commercials about windshield replacements, mixed in with the latest offering from Tim Hortons.
I wonder what the new soup of the month will be - French Onion or Creamy Broccoli? The suspense is killing me.
8 - The Sunday Night Test.
The Grey Cup doesn't pass my SNT. You see on most Sunday nights, I have to fight off a feeling of terrible sadness. I don't know why, but Sunday nights are downright depressing. Just hearing that clock ticking on "60 Minutes" is enough to give me a lump in my throat.
I've hated Sunday nights since I was a kid. The only times I can avoid the Sunday night blues is if there is a major event on TV to distract me (i.e. - Super Bowl, the re-airing of a National Lampoon's movie, etc). Unfortunately, on the night of the Grey Cup, I'm still left with a feeling of helplessness that makes me think I still have an essay due on Monday morning or something.
Anyone else suffer from this Sunday night phenomenon?
7 - Wrong network.
The game is on TSN and I'm contractually obliged to not watch anything that airs on that network. In fact, just by mentioning their name in this blog, I now have to do Rogers a favour and upgrade my cable package and subscribe to Chatelaine.
6 - The memory test.
The other day, someone was trying to remember who was in last year's Grey Cup. I said I couldn't remember and they were asking the wrong guy. After a few moments, someone said it was the Stampeders and Alouettes and the game was played in Montreal.
Here's the crazy thing: I COVERED the game and completely forgot about it. The games have no staying power in my mind.
5 - The Super Bowl is more exciting.
CFL fans will always tell you that the Grey Cup game is closer and more exciting than the Super Bowl. That used to be true when the 49ers were blowing out shady Stan Humphries and the Chargers, but it's not the case any more.
The last six Grey Cups have been decided by an average of eight points. The last six Super Bowls have been even tighter - decided by six points on average. And recent Super Bowls have come down to the last two minutes, making household names out of David Tyree, Santonio Holmes and Adam Viniteri.
CFL fans have lost their top argument as to why the Grey Cup is better than the Super Bowl.
4 - Point Taken.
CFL fans will tell you that the greatest Grey Cup game ever played was the 1989 tilt between Hamilton and Saskatchewan. Dave Ridgeway kicked a game-winning field goal as time expired to give his team a 43-40 win.
But here's what CFL supporters tend to forget: If Ridgeway misses that kick and puts it thru the end zone, his team still would have won 41-40. And how weird would that celebration have been? One of these years, a Grey Cup will be decided by a single-point missed field goal and all hell will break loose.
3 - No party invitations.
Every year, my buddy Sean has a Super Bowl party and it's become pretty much an annual tradition. But I've never been invited to a Grey Cup party in my life. Am I hanging around the wrong people? Are my friends secretly having Grey Cup parties behind my back?
Doubtful on both counts.
Why don't the majority of sports fans my age throw Grey Cup parties?
Somebody please answer.
2 - Beer me.
My most vivid Grey Cup memory involves a beer can being thrown at Rocket Ismail when he was returning a kick for a TD back in 1991. I'm not sure if I'll ever top that moment again, so why should I bother watching?
1 - The horn blows.
That damn CFL horn annoys the hell out of me. You know the one I'm taking about. Every time Ben Cahoon gets a first down in Montreal, it sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher is falling off a cliff. Waaaahhhhhh.
Lose that horn and there is a slim chance I could start watching CFL games and the Grey Cup on TV.