Football is a bloodthirsty game
in which two teams of overdeveloped men
with humps on their shoulders and knobs on their elbows
engage in mortal combat with one another
to gain posession of the inflated skin of a pig.
Once in posession of tha Pig's skin
they attempt to reach the opposite end of a field.
First, they crouch in a circle to select the unfortunate victim
who will try to run the gauntlet of the oppoosing team
without surrendering the pig's skin.
Then they imitate an army of vicious attack dogs
which bark to distract the enemy.
The pig's skin is then handed to the quarterback,
usually the team's coward, who attempts to rid himself
of it to the nearest lineman.
Once the unfortunate victim accepts the pig's skin
this becomes a signal to the opposing team to chase him,
hurl him to the ground and in unison
leap upon him to inflict as much bodily harm as possible.
However, should the victim outdistance his persuers
and reach the safety of the other end,
he throws the ball down with all his might
and does an exhuberant dance of gratitude
for having thwarted the stretcher-bearers.