FOOTBALL: As explained to the uninitiated (and borehamgirl)

Football is a bloodthirsty game
in which two teams of overdeveloped men
with humps on their shoulders and knobs on their elbows
engage in mortal combat with one another
to gain posession of the inflated skin of a pig.

Once in posession of tha Pig's skin
they attempt to reach the opposite end of a field.

First, they crouch in a circle to select the unfortunate victim
who will try to run the gauntlet of the oppoosing team
without surrendering the pig's skin.
Then they imitate an army of vicious attack dogs
which bark to distract the enemy.
The pig's skin is then handed to the quarterback,
usually the team's coward, who attempts to rid himself
of it to the nearest lineman.

Once the unfortunate victim accepts the pig's skin
this becomes a signal to the opposing team to chase him,
hurl him to the ground and in unison
leap upon him to inflict as much bodily harm as possible.

However, should the victim outdistance his persuers
and reach the safety of the other end,
he throws the ball down with all his might
and does an exhuberant dance of gratitude
for having thwarted the stretcher-bearers.

Dont forget the skinny little guy who runs onto the field every now and then, takes the pig’s skin, looks at it, gets mad, then kicks it away out of disgust… Sometimes he is so mad, he kicks it at the scoreboard behind that long pole thingy.

The thing that puzzles me is: who are those prison escapees who grab the ball, pretend to be blind and then put the ball anywhere they damn well please?

Good stuff, sig!

Here is George Carlin's spin on the Quarterback's role.

In football the object is for the quarterback,
also known as the field general, to be on target
with his aerial assault,

riddling the defense by hitting his receivers
with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz,

even if he has to use shotgun.

With short bullet passes and long bombs,
he marches his troops into enemy territory,

balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack
that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.

I got those words from this link [click here]

If seeking someone in charge, simply locate the man scratching his head.