Coach Trestman's phone number

Remember the days when 70 yards of offense was typical for the Als' first drive, not for an entire half of football? I bet you AC does. Here is a snippet from a conversation at AC's home, later today.

AC: Honey, I have a few questions I'd like to ask coach Trestman. Too bad he's gone.

Mrs Calvillo: Which ones are those?

AC: How many reads am I supposed to do, before throwing the ball in the stands? Last year, I barely ever did that. Also, what's the maximum number of steamboats that I'm supposed to hold on to the ball for? Last year I threw it away so quickly, I can't remember.

Mrs Calvillo: Coach would know.

AC: Also, we used to have this wicked play. If I was getting pressured, this guy would run out of the backfield, I would dump him the ball and then he would get a first down.

Mrs Calvillo: Brandon Whitaker, he's back, how could you forget?

AC: Oh yes! Getting up there. Can I see the old playbook, I'd love to know how we moved the receivers to give him all that running room.

Mrs Calvillo: Oops.

AC: What do you mean, oops?

Mrs Calvillo: I recycled it last week.

AC: OK, I'm calling coach Trestman. Ouch! I'm hurting everywhere, that last sack was a doozy, and that iphone sure feels heavy!

I miss coach Trestman, I really do.

This is what I would do.

I would fire Miller and Verducci and I’d offer a lucrative five year guaranteed contract for the OC/OLC position to Blake Nill with the promise that he will be HC when and if Hawkins leaves. I can’t think of any other coach who MIGHT be available that can fix this problem swiftly.

Coach Hawkins obviously never went to the school of "If it ain't broke... don't fix it!!"

What bugs me is that coach Hawkins repeatedly went out of his way to reassure the fans that the offensive playbook would not be re-written from scratch. Well the playbook looks nothing like last year's, so clearly his statements were BS.

That's a very tempting scenario. I don't know if it's realistic but it is certainly worth trying.

Beep 'The person you are trying to reach is no longer available as he has moved on to someplace that actually appreciates him and could care less about the mess that will be left behind in his absence. Have a nice day. beeeeep

AC: Hello coach, how are things going?

Coach Trestman: We're getting ready big time, spending every minute in preparation. How are things with you?

AC: Pretty bad. I'm getting well acquainted with Molson stadium's new astroturf, and our special teams have more TDs than I do. Coach Hawkins thinks the yellow flag in his pocket is to blow his nose.

Coach Trestman: I'm sorry to hear that. Is there something I can do to help?

AC: Well, since you ask...would you be needing a backup QB next year?

Coach Trestman: Hmmm... a year in the NFL would end off your illustrious career well, wouldn't it? ...

Mrs. Calvillo: Anthony, it's coach Miller on the other line.

AC: Sorry coach Trestman, gotta go, I have to communicate.

To be continued...

DB: Hello coach, how are things going?

Coach Trestman: Busy, no time to do anything but prepare. I see your role has changed, Doug. What can I do for you?

DB: I wonder if I could go over the Playbook with you. Do you have time?

Coach Trestman: Popp already called. My assistants have prepared a ten part webcast that covers the theory, execution and practice elements. You follow the course at your own pace. At the end of each section, there is a test. You need an overall grade of A at the end of all the sessions, otherwise you get fired. If you pass, you get a nice diploma, and you can expect to get offers from other CFL teams. Just download the java app, log on, study and your career is all set. This is your chance, Doug.

DB: I don't know how to use the internet.

Coach Trestman: Then watch the films from previous years! That's what Milanovitch did. Easy.

DB: Yikes, this is where coach Hawkins messed up. It's easy to just copy, but what if I can't figure it out?

Coach Trestman: Sorry, got to go, Jay's finished his 100th push up. Good luck!

Hawkins: Hello Coach T, Dan Hawkins here.

Trestman: Hawkins, Hawkins? - Are you the Hawkins that kept sticking his head in the door at our coaches meetings last off-season?

Hawkins: Yeah that was me. And I always got your coffee order right.

Trestman: I remember you now. What`s up?

Hawkins: Just got released by the Alouettes. I put together this sophisticated playbook, even better than yours, that the team just could not understand. Bunch of dumb Canadians. I could have led them to the Super Cup. I was getting fed up with things up there anyways, they don`t even know how to warm up soup!

Trestman: Sorry to hear, what can I do for you?

Hawkins: Well Im looking for a job now. Ive run with the bulls, Ive talked a lot of bull, Im a pretty versatile guy.

Trestman: Well as a matter of fact Im having some problems with my Tight Ends Coach Bischoff. He keeps sending in 2 tight ends, thinks were still playing with 12 men. Come on down. And bring a track suit!

Too funny!!!! :thup: