Any tips on Booing?

-Maybe he should boo the anti- anything people

  • I will agree with Campbell
  • no need to boo reality TV, because we are fans of the original reality TV- sports
  • lets see, the Canucks have green in their unis, so I guess you need to boo them
  • NBA and MLB don't need to be booed, because they become non entities with each passing season
  • booing that "certain crowd" in Toronto only encourages them to speak more- and who wants to listen to that drivel?

I would say, if he wants to practice his booing procedure, boo anything in orange, black or any combination thereof.... he could also boo at any preceived injustices he sees on TV or reads in the newspaper.. that is exactly what happened to Garguilo.

Hit By a Pitch

sports and life @ 5280
The Art of Heckling, Chapter I
March 14, 2007

The Art of War by Sun Tzu is a classic Chinese treatise on military strategy. Written in the sixth century, B.C., The Art of War has provided inspiration and instruction for military leaders, as well as leaders in other disciplines, such as business and management.

The Art of War focuses on how to outsmart–rather than out-battle–your opponent. Thus, its wisdom is particularly applicable in the world of sports heckling, where quick-witted fans must use their minds to engage in battle with stronger and more physically skilled opponents.

It is with great pleasure that I bring to you Chapter I of The Art of Heckling. I hope the following tips and ideas will help you engage in effective heckling at sporting events and that, just maybe, your heckling becomes so profound and so loud that you actually help your team on to victory (unless of course your team is playing against my team, in which case you suck and my mom who is in her sixties and has diabetes and sciatica could heckle better than you).

I. Laying Plans

  1. Hit by a Pitch said: The art of heckling is of vital importance to professional sports.

  2. It is a matter of winning and losing, a road either to victory or to defeat. Hence it is a subject of importance to sports that can on no account be neglected.

  3. The art of heckling, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one’s deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions obtaining in the field or on the court.

  4. These are: (1) The Crappy Player; (2) The Asshole Player; (3) Terrible Officiating; (4) Players Deserving Shit for Other Reasons; (5) Random Drunken Belligerence.

5,6. The Crappy Player causes the people to be in complete anger and frustration with their team, so that they will heckle him regardless of their team loyalty, undismayed by any glimmering of momentary success or danger.

  1. The asshole player signifies night and evil, cheating and lying, self-importance and an affront to society in general.

  2. Terrible officiating comprises bad calls, great and small; favorable treatment of the other team; terrible vision approaching blindness; the chances of destroying a game by sheer stupidity alone.

  3. Players deserving shit for other reasons include ugly players, players who willingly went to other teams, Yankees, Knicks, Red Sox, Patriots, Duke, Omar Vizquel, and any college team from the state of Indiana or coached by Bobby Knight.

  4. Random drunken belligerence is to be understood as the result of having way too much beer and taking issue with things that would not normally warrant boisterous heckling, such as missed free throws by the home team, dropped passes, whining, bad end zone dances, or terrible halftime entertainment.

  5. These five principles of heckling should be familiar to every fan: he or she who knows them will be the fan of a victorious team; he or she who knows them not will not see the post season.

  6. Therefore, in your deliberations, when seeking to determine whether to heckle, let them be made the basis of a comparison, in this wise:–

  7. (1) Which of the two teams is your team? (2) Which of your team’s players has most ability and from whom weakness or mistake will not be tolerated? (3) With whom lie the advantages derived from home court and fan support? (4) On which side is discipline most rigorously enforced by the officials? (5) Which team has a better record or fewer asshole players? (6) On which side are players and coaches more highly trained and appealing? (7) On which team is there the greater constancy both in wins and level of play?

  8. By means of these seven considerations I can forecast victory or defeat.

  9. The coach who hearkens to my heckling and acts upon it, will conquer: let such a one be given a multi-year contract in the millions! The coach who hearkens not to my heckling nor acts upon it, for example by running when he should pass or by failing to substitute players during a 20-3 scoring run by the other team, will suffer defeat:–he will suffer ridicule in opposing stadiums and will end up coaching at a vocational school in the central U.S.!

  10. While heading the profit of my counsel, avail yourself also of any helpful circumstances over and beyond the ordinary rules. If you read an article in Sports Illustrated about a player’s contentious divorce, use of performance enhancing drugs, or sex allowance, use this information to enhance your heckling. Point out a player’s physical flaws, such as his resemblance to Sasquatch or a turtle, or that one time Reggie Evans grabbed his nuts. In the case of Isiah Thomas, remind him that your mom, who is in her sixties and has diabetes, is less of a pussy than he is.

  11. According as circumstances are favorable, one should modify one’s plans. When the ushers at Coors Field threaten to have you removed from the premises if you keep making reference to Barry Bonds’ s anatomy while you are heckling, change your strategy to instead refer to his more family friendly weaknesses, such as sciatica, the fact that nobody but idiots in San Francisco actually like him, and the fact that performance enhancing drugs and cheating are very bad and not a good example for children.

  12. All heckling is based on the desire possessed by all sports fans to do anything they can to affect the outcome of a game and the delusion that they are in fact able to do so.

  13. Hence, when able to heckle, we must be loud enough for the players to hear; when using our forces, we must be confident that a scream at just the right time can change the trajectory of the ball; when we are near, we must make an extra effort to be heard by the opposing players; when far away, we must unite with neighboring fans to make ourselves louder.

  14. Hold out baits to entice the enemy; a syringe for Barry Bonds, a chicken for Chris Kaman, prison orange for the Cincinnati Bengals, the internet and a wrist brace for Carlos Zambrano. Feign appreciation, and heckle them.

  15. If he is a great player, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, you must be prepared to make him flustered by your vigorous heckling.

  16. If your opponent is moody and irritable, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant, and then launch an all-out torrent of nonstop heckling.

  17. If he is playing well, give him no rest. If his team is united, separate them by pointing out imaginary indiscretions with each other’s wives or other imaginary disrespect.

  18. Attack him when the crowd is quiet, heckle in ways that are not expected.

  19. These heckling devices, which will lead your team to victory, must not be divulged beforehand.

  20. Now the team that wins makes many calculations on the court or in the field while the game is being played. The team that loses makes but few calculations beforehand. Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all! However, regardless the number or quality of a team’s calculations, it is by attention to heckling that the fan can hope to affect the outcome of the game.

lets see, the Canucks have green in their unis, so I guess you need to boo them
or at least boo the present canuck uniforms which I do not like. Bring back black and yellow.

Don't worry, they've had that set a whole year now. If history is any indication, they're due for a complete overhaul.

...holy moley piggy, I totally forgot about Sun Tzu, thank you for the reminder, Jimenez will be at my mercy once I apply the Sports Fan Art of War upon him....

....been practicing hard all this week...if those of you watching the game see the players lose their footing and begin stumbling/rolling towards the east sideline, along with any debris and various people from the west sideline, then you'll know my boo has been effective....

I'll be booing Smilin Hank all game long at your TV set?....weird...besides, Hank hasn't doen anything to warrant booing, he is a happy go lucky man with a wide smile and a positive disposition....booing him is nonsense...makes no sense....

You can put the Oil in that too, man those are some craptacular designs.

Either that, or JJ's leg gave out on him again... :o

I've got an idea for booing, ever see that Simpsons episode with the bullhorns. You could get a bunch of bullhorns and put them in a line one in front of the other, I betcha you'd be a good booer then.