Share Jokes

Share Jokes

by canadianfootballfan » Fri Apr 07, 2017 1:13 am

Lets keep them clean please...

My contribution:

A skeleton walks into a bar, and orders a beer, and a mop.
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Re: Share Jokes

by ryan3434 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 5:18 am

My boy told me this one.

How many times can you tickle an octopus?

Ten tickles
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Re: Share Jokes

by RedandWhite » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:05 am

...change the title of this to Dad Jokes...

...a photon checks into a hotel and the front desk clerk ask him "do you need help with your luggage?" the photon replies "no thanks, I'm travelling light"....
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Re: Share Jokes

by PTBO Dave » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:59 am

Image
What all men speak well of, look critically into; what all men condemn, examine first before you decide.
-Confucius

When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kind of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt. -Robert M. Pirsig
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Re: Share Jokes

by Aerial » Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:05 am

Not sure if this is crossing the line or not: 8)

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well known six offender
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.” - Oscar Wilde
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Re: Share Jokes

by pigseye2015 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:32 am

Q: What do you do with a sick scientist?
A: Well if you can't helium and you can't curium then you might as well barium
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Re: Share Jokes

by KevinRiley2 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 12:50 pm

(* Slightly off colour. *)

2 Irishmen are out walking and deciding where to go :

Irishman # 1 : Let's go to O'Ryan's bar. It's great!!! For the cost of a $5 Cover, you get a drink, you get a smoke, they take you in the back and get you laid.

Irishman # 2 : Oh come on... I don't believe it.

Irishman # 1 : No, it's true. For the cost of a $5 Cover, you get a drink, you get a smoke, they take you in the back and get you laid.

Irishman # 2 : I still don't believe it. Have you ever been there?

Irishman # 1 : No, but my sister has.
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Re: Share Jokes

by beaglehound » Fri Apr 07, 2017 1:54 pm

On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty - it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really." God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."
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Re: Share Jokes

by beaglehound » Fri Apr 07, 2017 2:06 pm

Bob and Jim were out camping one weekend. They decided to go hiking.
As they were walking along a trail they suddenly heard a terrible roar. Charging after them was
a huge grizzly bear. The 2 guys start running as fast as they could only to realize the grizzly was faster.
Ahead of them they see the trail branch off to the left and to the right. Jim went left.

Bob went right. Unfortunately for Bob , the grizzly continued after him. Bob tried to run faster and turned a corner. To his dismay he was trapped because just ahead the trail came to an abrupt end with no means of escape. Bob took another look behind him and saw the monsterous grizzly towering over him.
Scared out of his mind , Bob suddenly remembered what his pastor
said in church.,"When in doubt pray, for the Lord will answer!"

Immediately Bob dropped to his knees and folded his hands. But having no idea what to pray could only say,"Father God, please oh Lord. I pray that this is a Christian bear!"
Miraculously, the huge grizzly stopped growling. It slowly crouched down,
folded its huge paws in front and began saying:
Father God , thank you for the food for which I am about to receive! Amen!!
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Re: Share Jokes

by canadianfootballfan » Fri Apr 07, 2017 2:31 pm

I got some pajamas with pockets in them. Which is great... because I used to have to hold stuff when I slept.
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Re: Share Jokes

by ryan3434 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 8:29 pm

beaglehound wrote:On the sixth day God turned to the angel Gabriel and said "Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty - it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really." God replied. "Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them."

Funny.. Would work better if you added Quebec as the punchline lol
I'd be unstoppable if not for law enforcement and physics!

Feminazis.. Not better women just crappy men.
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Re: Share Jokes

by KevinRiley2 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 9:58 pm

canadianfootballfan wrote:I got some pajamas with pockets in them. Which is great... because I used to have to hold stuff when I slept.

I don't get this.
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Re: Share Jokes

by KevinRiley2 » Sat Apr 08, 2017 2:08 am

KevinRiley2 wrote:
canadianfootballfan wrote:I got some pajamas with pockets in them. Which is great... because I used to have to hold stuff when I slept.

I don't get this.

Still don't get it. :o
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Re: Share Jokes

by canadianfootballfan » Sat Apr 08, 2017 3:02 am

KevinRiley2 wrote:
KevinRiley2 wrote:
canadianfootballfan wrote:I got some pajamas with pockets in them. Which is great... because I used to have to hold stuff when I slept.

I don't get this.

Still don't get it. :o


The joke mocks the idea that anyone would need pockets in pajamas, because who needs to keep something with them when they sleep? So the joke is that you have a pocket to put something you need to sleep with in, rather than hold it. Almost a non-joke. Like a lot of Norm Macdonald's comedy.
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Re: Share Jokes

by PTBO Dave » Sat Apr 08, 2017 5:13 am

Here's one that popped up on Facebook this morning:

Image
What all men speak well of, look critically into; what all men condemn, examine first before you decide.
-Confucius

When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kind of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt. -Robert M. Pirsig
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